Thursday, December 06, 2001

Dear Michael:

The counseling that I am receiving from you has been creating or exposing a conflict, requiring a commitment of energy and time that is detracting from personal objectives to which I need / want to do devote energy at the present time.

I have decided to stop counseling and this includes the Friday, December 14 appointment. I have taken a significant amount of time in coming to this decision. I would like to continue counseling sometime next year.

I am not sure that this is the best decision since I have learned much from you and expect that I would learn more and since an approach to treatment and resolution of conflict is in the working out of one’s day-to-day life. I feel I am losing something. It is alluring when you say “I have no doubt in my mind that the negative physiological effects in the emotional response system can be isolated.” There are areas in which I think your approach is “right on” – the nature of my emotional responses and what to do about that. There are other areas in which I think you are often mistaken – the particulars of my life and there I do think that your positions are often the most natural ones but do not take into account singular circumstances. Even when I disagree, I always attempt see truth in what you say – despite resistance. I do not think there is any decision regarding my life circumstance that I do not review frequently. It is an everyday flowing thing, and there are times when I “sit down” for a major review. The confrontational approach is another occasion for review and self-evaluation. Additionally, the conflict also models situations that I am not good at and that is also an occasion for working through…

There is also a “purely” internal conflict– different than the conflict from some kinds of confrontation and judgment. When I think [thought] of the possibilities for life I found [through discovery/creation] that they are vastly more than what is laid out by society – education, career. I submit without explanation that these possibilities are more than you may have imagined. I do not mean that you have not imagined them in general but only in this particular case – my life, what the possibilities may be and to what extent I may have and may continue to realize them. When possibility opened out in that way every choice was [is] also a loss. The internal conflict is about that loss and affirmation and review of choices. The internal conflict does get mixed up at times with the external which is the effect of the judgment of others. I am not going to say that the question of emotional response does not enter; but I believe that it does not negate what I say. Some things I can [and hope to] do better, more effectively but not completely differently. I have known this and you have effectively affirmed it.

A quick summary of the previous two paragraphs: I see you as assessing me correctly regarding my emotional responses, often mistaken in assessing what I am doing with my life but the counseling is always useful.

I wonder if you would be open to continuing counseling at a date likely around spring next year. What I would be looking for is an “as needed” schedule.

Following is a set of loosely related questions that I have thought of asking. They have only partial origin in the counseling and the philosophical emphasis reflects a personal interest. They are not an afterthought but for the purposes of this letter they may be considered to be so.

The first question is something like, “What is the meaning of life?” When I ask you that question I do not mean it in a heavy, philosophical way; its more like “What makes life good?” Is there a way of answering that question so that the answer is the same for all people? Can a variety of life styles and choices be consistent with that “one way” – if there is one? That is more than one question.

The next question is “What is the role of ethics and values in individual choices?” That, too, is not meant in a philosophical way. It is more like “What makes a life useful and Good and how may this be balanced with personal choices?” Third, “What are the ultimate possibilities of human beings?” That question is, I suppose, somewhat philosophical. Fourth, “What should an individual do in relation to those ultimate possibilities?” That question is ethical. Fifth, “What life circumstances lead to the greatest in human creativity?” How would that question be answered? Sixth, “What could be meant by ‘singular circumstances’ as I use the phrase and can there be such things?” None of these questions is merely academic to me and some though not all are asked in relation to the issues of receiving counseling from you.

Here is a question touched upon in counseling, possibly of interest there, but primarily of conceptual interest to me. Thought and emotion: what are they, what are their functions, what are the interactions? That begins to open up a series of questions with which I will not burden you. I am curious: “What is your opinion of the state of academic [not clinical] psychology – psychology as taught and researched in universities?”

The final question: “Do such considerations play a role in your counseling?” And, should they?

I am not expecting a response to these questions. They are not meant to suggest that there was something wrong in the direction my counseling with has taken. I always have the thought that by allowing you control – of course you are also good at that and it is part of your style – I am going to learn more, discover more. A fifty minute counseling session is not long but, if we had more time or if the counseling were more leisurely, I would have attempted to raise these questions at some point.

Sincerely,

Anil