Friday,
June 8, 2001
Dearest Marta,
You know that I love you
and will always love you. I love you so much. If I have failed in love with you
it is not because of lack of desire. And, if I have not done what you wanted,
it is usually that I did not know how.
I am so sorry that I said
things that hurt you. I did not say those things to hurt; whatever I said was
thought through although the pressure of the situation led to them being not
said in the best way; I hesitated; I said them to see what the problems might
be and then work on them. If we have hurt each other it is because we loved
and wanted love. I will always love you, find you beautiful and sexy but way
more than just that.
We will be friends. We will
be excellent friends not just friends. We will care for each other. I want
you to be 92 and I want to know you then. There is a special place for you in
my heart. Always.
Joan and Gil have both
offered me a place when I said we had broken up but they may need to rent soon.
And once the students start to come back finding a place will be very hard. It
will also be more comfortable to move before you need me to move.
I love and will miss Jessie
and Sara. [I will tell them that myself.]
They are both lovely. As for you, in losing you part of me will die and
I hope that that part or something better will grow in its place. I have
learned about a lot - especially coping from you.
I am glad you have new
friends in your life. I miss you. I hope you have love, friendship and caring.
I hope you have love, a feeling of home. Always be free to call or come to me.
I have no idea what the
chances are to be more than excellent friends. I do not want anything more than
friends unless it is good for you for both of us. I do not think that staying
here will give us a chance to be in love again. And I do not want to destroy
that chance. Just hanging around will likely destroy the chance. It would take listening
not being judgmental. I would need to be on real time in the relationship I
will explain what that means face to face. If you accept love, sex, passion the
way I like it the way that I have learned, that I know
then, I believe, it
would naturally transform to what you want and like. I think we could both use
therapy. Openness, truth would be essential. I am truly thankful you invited me
to live here
I do think this house is a mistake for us we would need
something with our space. Your
ideas would be totally needed. I would like to hear them anytime now or
later. You are my most beautiful girl.
Love,
Anil