Monday, September 10, 2001

Dear Marta,

I wanted to say – not write – this to you before I left for San Francisco and before I left for the mountains but I did not get in touch with you even though I tried. It is something I felt I needed to say after talking to you a two nights ago. Something to do with what you are going through but also something I’ve been thinking I want to say to everyone I care for. I’m still sick but I’m getting better and should leave soon. I hope you get this before you leave.

When I was in England in 1995 I said to my parents, “Each time we depart – on a small trip or a large one – we may never see each other again… so I want to thank you for all you have done for me and tell you that I love you.”

So it is with you – I want to thank you and tell you that I will always love you. I want to add:

Whatever my faults, and in whatever way I have not been the best I can be for you, I’m sorry. I am seeing better what the faults are. I have been somewhat blind to them.

Whatever your faults [I am not dwelling on them or whether you have faults] – they are nothing for me to take personally. You are not your faults, you are you and I love you.

You tried very much in our relationship and I want to say thank you.

It was [is] a privilege to know you, be loved by you, to have you in my house, be invited into your house, get to know your family. But not just a privilege, also very lovely and often fun.

Thank you for all the positive things and the love.

Thank you for honest sharing of your pain and disappointment. It was hard [hurt] to hear but still a privilege.

I love you. I am not sure anymore that I need a part of my love to die. I think [hope] I can heal with out that.

My heart [though needing to be careful] is open to you. I want the openness of my heart to all things to grow. Time will tell how that will go.

You are part of me. I hope to see you when you are 92 – and, of course, in between.

You are always welcome to call, visit, ask for help if you need/want it.

I will be thinking of you while I am hiking and you are in San Francisco. Ping-pong ball and dinosaur sized thoughts will be coming your way. I’m looking forward to you be being back and seeing you.

Love,