945 Mad River Road

Acata, CA 95521

August 1, 2000

Preusser, Marta

1617 L St. "House"

Eureka, CA 95501

Dear Marta

I am thinking about this idea of living with you. That is an exciting idea because I think [hope] we can be good together. It is scary because of the potential for pain.

The first thing I want to say is something I believe - it seems to have truth. It is that what makes love good is "not only gazing into each others eyes, but also gazing out onto the world together."

Here, are the things to reflect on if we live together.

To move in, it makes sense to be thinking of / hoping for a long term relationship… even though, of course, the future is somewhat unknown.

If it becomes long-term, we would plan on new place.

We would be committed to being good to each other even if the situation does not work out.

I still want to share my "project" - this is not to say you have not shown interest. Despite the difficulty - its difficult for me at times, some of the things I am trying to do are exciting. Additionally you see into who I am and some of the highs and difficulties I have gone through. Although it involves ideas, it also involves living. I think that one of the lacks of university philosophy is its isolation. You remember the question I asked - what is the most an individual can do or become… more than things like meditation, vision quests and so on probably the biggest thing one can experiment is one's whole life. Although SV provides money and I needed a job, this was part of the thinking behind getting that level of job. I ask myself what I can do with this experiment. Part of it is making the most of my life, but part of it is being alive in the things that make humans human. So, whatever I do is part of the experiment. I can get ideas in the mountains once a year or for a year once or twice in a lifetime but I still have to live. I need help and I ask [humbly, I add] for your help - and that includes encouragement. This thing is harder, requires more focus than being a university professor.

We should plan some adventures together. I wonder if the way we live can be an adventure. How? Or, are we [am I] just trapped in our own lives [my own life]?

Our goals = yours and mine?

There are some problem areas. You know what they are. I do not know what you are thinking about them. I do not want to argue them away or say that there is no problem. However, I do want you to know I love you, find you lovely and sexy… and any problem may be more about me -can't be more specific unless we are talking about a specific problem- than about you. I just do want to say that I always find you beautiful

My hopes for my life and work have not changed… and I do not think it would be good to move in and then move out soon. I would probably feel destitute without you. I think I know you enough to know you would not feel too good either. This is something to talk about a little more.

Lots and lots of love and big and baby kisses.

Love,

Anil