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Legend4detail | now, temp The way in life, death, beyond—realization of limitlessness (mindfulness, nature-culture-society, the universal)4 Meditative-active being in the experiential-pragmatic and limitless world Nature, culture, and society—the world as found and made—immersion in nature and culture—living and travel4 Reflection, sharing, writing, and publishing The universal—the limitless world as we are and become it General activities (constitutive—primarily experiential and spiritual | supporting—primarily and material)4 Meditation – Shamatha—emptying, calming; Vipasana—reflecting, redirecting Attitude (also see ‘Today’)4 Meditative presence—aware, relaxed, reflective, and no mind Neutral engagement—disengage, have – request listening – assert and request boundaries, limits Awareness of state neutral vs judgmental state > affirm positive, redirect negative4 Hold without judging, breath, relax muscles, tolerate, examine – it’s me, not others > (re)direct, two-minute meditation-stretch > kindness to, do not avoid self or other – we’re all trying > dedicate ± to the ultimate > move on Patience > Integrity of identity Work on integrity; patience with pain; healthy behavior; work on independence from affirmation by others Material, outer, temporal (also see projects…, below). Events4 Life _________________________________________________________________________________________________ Annual—tax, Christmas, Robin 2/7, Veda Elise 8/1, Carissa 8/10, Beverly 8/15, Kathleen 11/8, Wendy 11/21 11/8 __________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Month, bi-week, week __________________________________________________________________________________ Sunday—relax _________________________________________________________________________________________ Thu or Sat—Chores. Sunday—relax. See today. _______________________________________________________________ Main active projects (developing the way, travel, publishing and sharing the way) 4 Developing the way—intrinsically-instrumentally and attitudinally-actively, in all pure and pragmatic dimensions of being Travel (cur trips-hike list-prep-bus: humb-trin-gdocs)—Jan 1, 2022 (review) (i) one year isolation (ii) nature-culture journeys4 A year’s isolation _______________________________________________________________________________________ Nature, culture journeys _________________________________________________________________________________ Publish—study-reflect-write: bare content > essay, minimal site > write-in-the-world > access, site, advertise-publicize-talks4 The narrative4 the way of being – contents4
this workspace is currently minimal into the way Reading list—logic, free will, add __________________________________________________________________________ Now—review this—(the current essentials, travel preparation, health, people) Essentials—step back > accept-redirect understand-dedicate pain > work-$30K | place: travel base hum-trin-us-mex > 18-φ CA Calendar—year – taxes, birthdays, Christmas; 2022—year’s isolation, nature-culture journeys | develop below 4 Develop and place calendar here Trips—next > details below > Hike / pack daily > USFS > cash, laundry, bank > pack, min > fresh veg4 Planning 1. When… criteria: weather… 2. Where… research… RNP, W Ck, Six Rivers, Trinity – Junction City campground (call JC Store) – ride to trail heads (night at or hear trail head), HWY 3… 3. Future trips—backpacking and biking Preparation—when written, put essentials into main heading ‘Next trip’, above Minimizing gear means saving time 1. Misc—dye; umbrella / hat; small ground sheet—cut, organize and minimize of stuff sacks; shaver (new, try out) 2. Efficiency and weight—fasten side pocket; loose pants; wind vs reg pants; no rain pants; less food, fuel; sneakers vs sandals; bivvy—clothes peg, stakes, guy line, what are the attachments for; med sack; water sack? papers; cook kit; just one toothpaste Priorities (from the previous trip > modify for next trip) 1. General—How, what to realize, reflect o The way, share, publish § Dedication § Life problems (sibling) o My life § The way, above § $ Work, other o Place, general § Eureka, Arcata 4 Humboldt 4 Del Norte, Trinity4 CA, US 4Mexico, World 4Isolation, 6 months, 1 year+ o Intrinsic / extrinsic § Intrinsic · Meditate, nature watch · Hike § Extrinsic · X, stretch · Hike 2. Weaverville o Realtors o Internet o Word of mouth o Apartments Health—posture, exercise > water, one meal a day (diet research: home and packing) > ¯ meds (0.5 tab), ¯ sugar, mole, no beer People—R > .5 h prep, 1 day / month, no deferment; boundaries | G > neutrally | S > deal, dismiss | C > her initiative4 The problem and its solution. The essential items are numbered; the unnumbered are inessential—some must not be said Summary—the following does not mean I do not love you; to me, you are one of three most important living people to me (you, Carissa, and I)—and the goal is not to cause you distress but to end mine. The message. There are things you say about my life and choices that are harmful, resulting in distress (which is also bad for health), and diminished function (I do not say you intend it). I have asked you to stop at least indirectly over many years, with only partial result. On the other hand, the benefit is essentially zero since your ‘advice’ is either trivially obvious (and one sided) or absurd. The cost-benefit ratio is prohibitive to this continuing. I now see that requesting you to stop will not change the situation. I will not live with this over the next 20 years or so, and if you do not agree to stop it, I must avoid calling you. I have found recently that I do not entirely look forward to calling you—”my weekly dose of negativism”. The following must end—judgment, advice, and ‘judgmental probing’ questions (especially around Christmas, birthdays, and vacation) leading to the same. Weekly calls sustain the negativity, and I will resume calling only when you assure me that it will end and the feeling itself dissipates. If it happens again the waiting period will increase. This is not negotiable. End of main message. It is a mistake is that I did not do this earlier—the main reasons for not doing so being unclear thinking, the mistaken thought that my requests alone would bring it to an end, sweeping the issue under the carpet, and not wanting to distress you. Though there is more in the way of explanation, it would be an endless pit, a dilution of what I want to say, and a diversion from my objective to end this perhaps main source of distress in my life. I do think it strange (bizarre) that you insist on a ‘right’ to what I see as essentially intrusive (if caring) behavior. I know there may be costs, but I accept them. Solution. Step 2, later. For these reasons, and for my life and projects, I may want a schedule of interaction. Say, once a month. If we cannot talk, deferment to the next time. I do not want to call around Christmas, birthdays, or vacations—vacations are for getting away from the world. Step 3. Not to be said now. Isolation. No visit if you do not stop. Understanding the situation. I am going to talk about psychology and when we ‘psychologize’ someone, even oneself, it is always somewhat hypothetical unless we do the work that therapists do (and may still by hypothetical). So, the following is offered as a possible explanation. Since we have the same parents, we were learned similar insecurities and values. Yet our responses were different. Your judgmentalism (I do not mean that in a bad way at all) went like this—security and status (career) were important to you and part of who you are and so you saw not following that as less (and while it may not be intended, this judgmentalism is a way people spread—project—their fear based, biased, or depressing-as-I-see-it views of life). Therefore, you judged me and (this may be negative) harshly (and I do not mean I inferred it; I heard it in your words and tone of voice). But I wondered why you sometimes judged me even when it had nothing to do with a life or career issue. It occurs to me that if I shared something about my life, you, being judgmental and projecting judgmentalism, may have thought that in sharing, I was judging you and therefore you were judgmental in return (this would explain why you are less disclosing than I and by the way it is quite possible that, in some degree, you live vicariously through me). Also, we have rather different worldviews—yours being strongly secular and deriving values from society, me being that but very much more. Sibling rivalry and enmeshment may be factors. Further, given who you are what you see as reasonable caution, would be negative if inserted into my personality, and I therefore experience it as extremely negative (our inner voices being a combination of our own and those of others), and, so, while, on this explanation, neither of us is objectively right, we are both right withing our own framework, which makes it hard to see the other as being right, and—until my personality becomes objectively mature, I must insist on non-transference of this ambiance, which I experience as severely negative in feeling and function, and which I will now specify as—no judgment (of course you can’t be not yourself, so ‘no judgment’ means ‘please keep it to yourself’), no advice, and no probing questions that lead to judgment (especially of the type ‘who do you know, who are you spending time with’ on and around birthdays, vacations, or Christmases. You will, perhaps, understand why I will have to curtail or eliminate communication, especially verbal communication, if my request is not met. Finally, though the foregoing may soften the conclusion, if it may be assumed that you are mature in your knowledge of human psychology, to presume to know that your ‘interventions’ for my happiness are truly helpful, or not know that they may be truly destructive, is bizarre. It is bizarre that I should have to worry about keeping you happy regarding your feelings about my happiness and my life—unless you are using your feelings as manipulation, that is bizarre that I should have to endure that (and of course the manipulation would be bizarre, too) A brief version You may dislike what I have to say, it but nothing I say means I do not love you Cost—extreme negative effect—pain, ambience, time, detraction from ambition and goals Cost—detail, quality of interaction, that I cannot use you as a resource, that recently I do not look forward to talking anymore, but call out of love, loyalty, duty… For the present, I can identify three things I will not tolerate—judgment, advice, and judgmental probing (‘monitoring’) Benefit zero or negative—most advice trivially obvious but a small part of the picture, some absurd I have been objecting for years, yet it continues, but the situation is my fault because I have not been firm or clear enough I find this intrusive and presumptuous, and it is bizarre that I should need to be concerned about you feeling bad because I don’t want the intrusion It is not just me complaining, you can do an internet search on “on giving advice” or read People Skills by Robert Bolton for ill effects of judgment and advice This must stop, therefore if it does not, I will not call you until I get reassurance you will stop it (if you were a friend, I would have cut you off long ago) It will be better for me if we speak monthly, especially for work on my projects, not weekly I will not call you during or around vacations I accept consequences from you, but not name calling 4 > Wake ® Dedicate-affirm ® Rise Water Review times-alarms _____________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Attitude Awareness ® redirect Neutral engagement Meditative presence Patience ® integrity of identity ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4 > Projects and activities, above, especially bare content Music _________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ > Continue projects after _________ below _________________________________________________________ 4 > Walk > Stretch, weights, grip, knee bends > Meditate > Lunch _______________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ > Chores for the day (Sun—relax, Tue—R) ___________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ Thu / Sat—Chores 4 Thu / Sat—Chores > This > Hair, feet > Clean > Cash > Supplies – for cooking – what I have, pulses, grains, vegetables, nuts, tortillas, yogurt | cleaners – paper food-storage | meds, toilet| stamps, envelopes, cards | maintain clothes, gear, bike ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4 > Exercise TTHSAT &OR Walk-bike with nature photography MWF _____________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4 > PM PMX Review this, print, rest, shower | Realize projects engage meditate |φ beer-movie ____ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ > Sleep This > auto day, life, week 4Notes __________________________________________________________________________________________________4 Detailed planning— __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 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