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Legend4detail | now, temp The way in life, death, and beyond—realization of limitlessness—dimensions: psyche, nature-culture-society, the universal4 Mindfulness—attitude-action—meditative-active being in the experiential-pragmatic and limitless world Nature, culture, and society—the world as found and made—immersion in nature and culture—living and travel4 Reflection, sharing, writing, and publishing The universal—the limitless world as we are and become it Projects for the way (develop-write, immersion-travel, publish-share) 4 Developing the way—intrinsically-instrumentally and attitudinally-actively, in all pure and pragmatic dimensions of being Travel (cur trips-hike list-prep-bus: humb-trin-gdocs)—Jan 1, 2022 (review) (i) one year isolation (ii) nature-culture journeys4 A year’s isolation _______________________________________________________________________________________ Nature, culture journeys _________________________________________________________________________________ Publish—study-reflect-write: bare content > essay, minimal site > write-in-the-world > access, site, advertise-publicize-talks4 The narrative4 the way of being – contents4 this workspace is currently minimal into the way Reading list—logic, free will, add __________________________________________________________________________ Regular activities for the way (mainly experiential and spiritual) and supporting activities (mainly material)4 Meditation – Shamatha—emptying, calming; Vipasana—reflecting, redirecting Attitude (also see ‘Today’)4 Meditative presence—aware, relaxed, reflective, and no mind Music Hiking and serious exercise Sleep deprivation and pattern alteration No drinking Neutral engagement (background)—disengage, have – request listening – assert and request boundaries, limits Proper or appropriate engagement—when engagement is full and trans-ego Awareness of state neutral vs judgmental state > affirm positive, redirect negative4 Hold without judging, breath, relax muscles, tolerate, examine – it’s me, not others > (re)direct, two-minute meditation-stretch > kindness to, do not avoid self or other – we’re all trying > dedicate ± to the ultimate > move on Patience > Integrity of identity Work on integrity; patience with pain; healthy behavior; work on independence from affirmation by others Material, outer, temporal (also see projects…, below). Events4 Life _________________________________________________________________________________________________ Annual—tax, Christmas, Robin 2/7, Veda Elise 8/1, Carissa 8/10, Beverly 8/15, Kathleen 11/8, Wendy 11/21 ______________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Month, bi-week, week __________________________________________________________________________________ Sunday—relax _________________________________________________________________________________________ Thu or Sat—Chores. Sunday—relax. See today. _______________________________________________________________ Now—(current essentials, travel prep, health, people) Essentials—step back, review > know-dedicate-redirect pain > work-$30K-counsel| place: travel base hum-trin-us-mex > 18-φ CA Calendar—year – taxes, birthdays, Christmas; 2022—year’s isolation, nature-culture journeys | develop below 4 Develop and place calendar here Travel, immersion, trips plan & prep next > details below > Hike/pack daily > USFS > cash, laundry, bank > pack, min > fresh veg4 Planning 1. When… criteria: weather… 2. Where… research… RNP, W Ck, Six Rivers, Trinity – Junction City campground (call JC Store) – ride to trail heads (night at or hear trail head), HWY 3… 3. Future trips—backpacking and biking Preparation—when written, put essentials into main heading ‘Next trip’, above Minimizing gear means saving time 1. Misc—dye; umbrella / hat; small ground sheet—cut, organize and minimize of stuff sacks; shaver (new, try out) 2. Efficiency and weight—fasten side pocket; loose pants; wind vs reg pants; no rain pants; less food, fuel; sneakers vs sandals; bivvy—clothes peg, stakes, guy line, what are the attachments for; med sack; water sack? papers; cook kit; just one toothpaste Priorities (from the previous trip > modify for next trip) 1. General—How, what to realize, reflect o The way, share, publish § Dedication § Life problems (sibling) o My life § The way, above § $ Work, other o Place, general § Eureka, Arcata 4 Humboldt 4 Del Norte, Trinity4 CA, US 4Mexico, World 4Isolation, 6 months, 1 year+ o Intrinsic / extrinsic § Intrinsic · Meditate, nature watch · Hike § Extrinsic · X, stretch · Hike 2. Weaverville o Realtors o Internet o Word of mouth o Apartments Health—posture, exercise > water, one meal a day (diet research: home and packing) > ¯ meds (0.5 tab), ¯ sugar, mole, no beer People—R > 0.5 h prep, 1 day / month, no deferment; boundaries | G > neutrally | S > deal, dismiss | C > her initiative4 Robin—next conversation Most important—writing, becoming, immersion – nature and culture Robin Preliminary Plan List of fears Write it out, giving free reign to flow of ideas (cross out what will most likely not go to Robin) Write it up Summarize it There is a significant problem It is not new, has been on and off for years, but has gotten severe recently I have complained from time to time It is now time to act I have to be careful talking about it because I will not experience the problem for the remaining 20 or so years of my life I have not been clear enough in the past Because I want a solution, there is no question of fault or blame I must be clear and firm; I must take responsibility for my life I do not want to give cause for hurt, anger, or upset The most important activities and values for the remainder of my life (and I doubt I have the full 20 years or so) My project on discovery and realization of being Reflection, writing, publishing Immersion in nature and cultures Immersion in self—meditation Live in a place and with people that facilitate the project Travel For enjoyment As part of the project Be happy I am reasonably self-sufficient (people lie on a continuum) Not be unhappy in my relationships (friends, brother, other) Be useful I think my project has the potential to be useful Problem (s) There are certain interactions we have, things you say that have come to have a severely negative impact on the way I feel, the effectiveness with which I live, and even my health. I associate three things with this Judgmental probing, negative judgments about my life and choices, advice (A) Yes, there is some sense in which you have the right to say what you want. But that does not make it right. There are things you have said that you do not want to talk about. I have avoided them (assiduously). This is not an argument that you are wrong. But it shows you what my attitude is. In avoiding what you do not like to talk about, I am respecting you. It is strange that you have had no
hesitation to give advice and to be judgmental.
The problem is not new. It is not there all the time. But it is on and off. But it is severe and detrimental to me. So how can I solve this problem? I can look at myself and ask what I can do to change. I’ve tried and tried and will continue to try. But now— I must act. See ‘solution’ below Somehow you do not seem to see me as I am. I’m not sure that you really listen Solution—Robin Schedule of phone calls—I would like once a month calls With exceptions for special situations I will not call leading up to, around, or during trips I want reassurance you will avoid and actually avoid three behaviors I currently associate with the negative effect on my life, efficiency, and health—(i) judgmental probing, (ii) sharing negative judgments on my life and choices, and (iii) advice Consequences—without reassurance or if the behaviors continue, I will not talk to you until I do get reassurance and, then, find that the behaviors do not continue You can always email or leave a phone message Visiting America—if and when you visit and spend time with me, I want you to talk to me before setting dates No explanation Solution—me Psychology—minimize the ‘other as object’… look at other aspects… Disclosure—less Focus—my life, the way of being (trips, travel, a year’s isolation… other aspects) Tentative and temporary No names (not productive, you are not an authority, I do not want to describe your attributes) It’s almost as though you are looking for me to be miserable; fuck off On rationality—if you give advice, one wants to heed it; therefore if it’s bad, it’s destructive; therefore it ought to be able to be discussed between two people just as one ‘discusses’ it reflectively with oneself; therefore if you don’t do that, and resist analysis, it’s about your ego; rationality, therefore, in this context and likely in others as well, means being trans-ego and not subverting rationality to your ego which is in fact pseudo-rationality I’ve always had confidence issues, and now some people are not good for my confidence Your style of conversation is contrary in most situations; that is it looks to be contrary rather than looking to see what the point—the overriding concern—of the conversation is (i) what is in the other’s mind &or (ii) at a higher level of vision Your style of thinking about me / others is to fit them in as places in your ego, which therefore sees others as less; and you resist anything else Cost benefit above under ‘the problem’ or the preliminary Your advice and advice giving has always seemed presumptuous to me, but then I think “well, maybe he’s just a little thick—not really thick but effectively thick because of the ego motive” but, now, after I ask you to not give advice, and you still insist, then your must be ego-presumptuous Consequences I am aware of and accept the fact that you may set conditions and consequences Notes to add—fair out; may write A and B separately; summary + essentials vs inessentials vs remarks to me and what will not be said; some sense in which you have a right but even if granted, that does not make it right… and it shows what I consider disrespect, which has nothing to do with age etc but being human… e.g. things you have said you don’t like to talk about, I assiduously avoid; project most important \ call once a month b4 earlier points so it doesn’t seem as though I’m avoiding…; issue of bitchy denial Summary—as preliminary, I will note that I think you may misunderstand what I am saying this is about: it is not about four or five recent conversations (they are significant)—rather, it is a cumulative effect; as a second preliminary, I will note that the only reason to hesitate in this is that you may find it unpleasant—but if I do not address the issue, it will muddle on as it has for some time; ‘rationally’ of course, there is no reason for you to feel this way, for I am not talking of blame or fault or even reasons (and I should emphasize that I am neither angry nor looking to fault you)—or even of their absence, but rather of my taking responsibility for and acting upon a serious issue (yet, I know it is not easy to be non-emotional in such issues); now coming to the meat of the issue—there are things you say which make it very stressful for me (and I do not want to feel as though you are monitoring me or think of yourself as if in an advisory capacity); I know you feel (think) you want to help, but the effect is not that; yes, there is some sense in which you have a right, but, even granting that, that does not make it right—e.g., there are certain things you have said you don’t like to talk about and I assiduously avoid them; and as secondary issues, this advising retards communication, real issue exploration by being just a sounding board, and focus on what is really important in life and the world; but, now returning mainly to the primary issue, there are certain things I’m going to do as proposed resolution of the issue (i) I’ve tried and continue to try to avoid and eliminate, or at least minimize the stress but this has not worked so far, (ii) especially to make my life work efficient, call once a month—say the first Tuesday or Thursday, if I’m home, (iii) not call leading up to, around, or during vacations, (iv) request that you stop A below, but if you do not or if A continues, I will not call you till the situation changes—i.e., I am reassured that it will not continue (v) this will be in place in all future interaction with you (or until I feel permanently reassured) (vi) I do want you to visit as I owe this to us and hope to enjoy it, but if and when you make plans to visit me, I want you to and ask that check with me about dates Problem—some interactions as I perceive them (A = judgmental probing, e.g. about who I know in Weaverville or who I am spending Christmases and birthdays with, negative judgmental statements about me and my choices, and advice) have a severe detrimental effect (B = pall, life—enjoyment, goals, health); this has been happening on and off for 20 years; the most recent interaction was May 18, a week before my recent trip to Weaverville, and the effect B has gone on for over month (today is June 24); I’ve objected a number of times and asked that you stop A, but perhaps not clearly and firmly enough. What is more, I am paying this severe cost with no benefit, for all your advice on important matters is either trivially obvious or absurd for my situation. What I mean by ‘judgmental’ is a tendency to make judgments based on inadequate information (and likely based on projection). It seems to me that you are judgmental and that it is difficult for you to not blurt out what you think in the moment. It may be commendable as honest but in my experience it is not based in adequate perception. I am not sure how aware of this you are but you have a tendency to paint a picture of yourself that is rosier that you are. I’m not sure where judgmentalism comes from (in general), but giving unasked for advice says “here is a solution to a problem” that is not a problem. It is a subconscious way in which a sense of insecurity about life is transferred among people, especially in families. Judging makes it difficult to hear what the other person is really saying. It is important this is not about criticism or blame. That is I am not asserting the presence or absence of fault. Rather, it is about me taking responsibility. I now realize—that mere asking leads at most to temporary lifting of A. I have about 20 years left (give or take) and I will not tolerate this for the rest of my life (even for the sake of the brother that I love). I have to be clear and firm that A must stop and more—I must take responsibility for myself and act. Solution—(i) Try to overcome B; I have not been successful so far (ii) I ask you to reassure me that A will stop. If you decide that you will not (or if and when the behavior continues), I will not call you until the situation changes. (iii) This will be in place for all future interaction with you. If you think that I am punishing you or exacting revenge, it is nothing like that. I am fighting for (the quality of) my life. (iv) I want to talk to you once a month and not leading up to or during vacations. (v) If and when you make plans to visit me, I want you to check with me about dates. Internal solution ideas—general life approach above, work on TWB and projects, isolate 4 Wake ® Dedicate-affirm ® Rise. Water . Music . Review life, the way, the day . times-alarms ___ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Attitude Awareness > redirect . Right engagement . Meditative presence . Patience > identity integrity _ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4 Projects and activities, above, especially bare content __________hrs. ____________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Continue projects after _________ below _________________________________________________________ 4 Walk . Stretch, weights, grip, knee bends . Meditate . Lunch _________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Chores for the day (Sun—relax, Tue—R) _________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ Thu / Sat—Chores 4 Thu / Sat—Chores > This > Hair, feet > Clean > Cash > Supplies – for cooking – what I have, pulses, grains, vegetables, nuts, tortillas, yogurt | cleaners – paper food-storage | meds, toilet| stamps, envelopes, cards | maintain clothes, gear, bike ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4 Exercise TTHSAT ____________ &OR Walk-bike with nature photography MWF _______________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4 PM PMX . Review this-print, rest-shr Realize projects . engage . meditate | φ beer-movie prep for tomorrow __________________________________________________________________ Sleep _ 4Notes, detailed planning _____________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ |