December 16, 1995

Dear

A year ago I wrote that my plans for 1995 included 1) take my daughter Carissa to London to visit my parents, my brother Robin and family - Susan, their two sons Christopher and Alistair, and 2) buy a PC.

In August, Carissa and I spent a week in London. As of today I have saved about 75% of the likely cost of the PC; and have done study into the intended applications that include science-engineering/development and into system requirements.

In October I spent 3 weeks in the Trinity Mountains of N. W. California. I came back with new plans and ideas. 1) Begin work now on a new version of Evolution and Design - originally written in 1987 - rather than wait for some ideal-mythic time in the future. The work is to include study, formulation and inspiration, synthesis and writing for publication. The PC will be research and production tool. 2) Continue to plan toward a "year" of experience, learning and "living" in nature… Perhaps I will support these projects = earn morn money = by doing Engineering etc. again; and 3) Move away - rather continue to move away - from the goal oriented behavior of 1 & 2 and toward something like "living in the present". This is somewhat metaphorical in that goals will not disappear but emphases and priorities will change. Things like "the journey over the destination" and "perception over thinking".

Meanwhile every day is an adventure and a gift.

Merry Christmas

Anil

NOTES

Work toward the new Evolution and Design began even before completion of the 1987 version: in the form of plans, criticisms by me of 1987 version and needs for the future. Work has continued in the intervening period - without any particular plan or production goal other than that of the "ideal" future time - in the following: improving ideas, concepts, arguments or supplying arguments; new concepts and ideas; outline of the new work; complements to the primarily materialist and temporal framework of and with needs in the 1987 version: a possible new title is EDA - Evolution, Design and The Absolute; defining a program of development and applications including HRI = Horizon Research Institute = a research group to work on the Evolution and Design program but without adhering to any program… What is new? (A) A new and comprehensive program of development and production, and (B) an intent to implement the program now, (C) a definite production and publication goal.

The "year in nature" is in fact integral to the Evolution and Design program (A) as content: EDA is to include improved grounding of Evolution and Design including a grounding of knowledge in nature and knowledge of nature, (B) EDA seeks to bridge the alienation of nature in civilization, (C) I have always found time in nature to be a source of inspiration, ideas and thought.

The meaning (to me) of goal #3 and its relation to goals #1 and #2 are in evolution, changing, not final. At times there is more "synergy", joint action, among them and at other times, seemingly, less. And…#3 is already present - if in incompletely defined and realized form. When someone says to me "I hope you realize all you want"… this is not precisely what I want for myself: the goals themselves are evolving and subject to change, therefore it does not make sense to me to be too attached to any particular set of outcomes; I find realization to be an ongoing process rather than just an end result; sometimes I want everything and that is inconsistent…

Goals #1 and #2 are often personally satisfying but at times seem to be in conflict with #3… and them I may remember that #1 and #2 are not merely personal goals but define, partly, my relationship with the world and are a part of my "sacrifice"…

Anyway, the best current realization I have of all goals is when I don't personally insist on some final or end result - and yet the end is a motivating force; when I don't insist on rewards - external or internal - but do not deny their value; when I don't insist on happiness and yet that too is a force; when I don't try too hard to avoid frustration; when I don't try to define too precisely the relationship among the goals: when I let the processes of (my) life work out their relationship and meaning at a being level… and yet conscious, precise definition is useful.