A very nice Sunday
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11.11.2007
Dear Robin and Susan
Yesterday was a very nice Sunday and I thought I would share the events of the day with you
The day before I had had a horrible tired
feeling all day long—especially the eight and a half hours at work that ended
at
I sat down to think about what to do next—with the day, with my life. It is typical that I see my life in a different light over the course of my vacation. This year I am thinking that I want to simplify certain things, make my list of plans and things to do a lot shorter so that the list is clearer and gives clear relief to the essentials. I had made a rough hand-written list earlier and thought I would streamline it and type it up on my computer
The list was half-way complete at 10:00 AM. At the top of the list was ‘Rest of my life / Journey in Being.’ The next point was titled ‘Essay.’ I’d had a number of ideas about these points on my vacation
At the logical core of the system of thought of Journey in Being is the identity of metaphysics and logic. The contours of the idea have been seen in Bhagavad-Gita and Vedanta; glimpsed by Leibniz, Hume, Kant, and Wittgenstein; and recently contemplated regarding theoretical physics by J.A. Wheeler. There is reference to voidism in Buddhist metaphysics (madhyamika;) this voidism, however, is a mental or epistemological one in which one receives truth through silence following a reasoned refutation of all metaphysical views. However, as far as I can tell, no one has given a logical proof of the fundamental ideas as I believe that I have; no one has worked out the elaborations or implications of the idea; and no one has reworked the entire system of human thought as presented in Journey in Being. Aspects of the system are sprinkled over the history of thought as expressed in a number of cultures—often speculatively; Journey in Being performs an integration founded in logic and empiricism (it is characteristic of Journey in Being that the very meanings of ‘logic,’ ‘meaning,’ and ‘empiricism’ are revalued and deepened in line with the depth achieved by the identification of metaphysics and logic. Over the last year the metaphysics and its elaboration and articulation; the concept of the ‘object,’ i.e., what does it mean to know what exists and what kinds of things (concrete such as mountains and abstract such as numbers) exist; the concept and nature of logic have all been the subject of new insight and been elevated in logical and depth status to the that of the core insight
On my vacation I had been looking at Dinesh D’Souza’s blog. He is from India. Here he has emerged as a conservative voice in America and is rather extreme in his views. He is widely published and has written books with titles like ‘Why America is great,’ ‘Why Christianity is great.’ He was once Ann Coulter’s boy friend; she is a hyper-conservative ‘thinker’ who thinks liberals are responsible for the ‘decay’ of America, that women’s liberation is a horrible thing, that Christians are ‘improved’ Jews… Dinesh is rather like her but not quite as extreme, more intellectual but still rather fundamentalist. He uses ‘sophistry,’ e.g. he uses the philosophies of Hume and Kant, to defend his fundamentalist views on Christianity. My attraction to him is actually repulsion. People respond to his blog with posts and many are well thought out while some are rants. Anyway I attempted to expose his misuse of philosophy and his general use of an extremist viewpoint to ‘manufacture opinion’
Not much response but I clarified for my self the nature of religion and the relation of religion and science and what is logically entailed by science regarding religion—a common view is that there is not much that is positive in religion. But this is in error since modern science, especially theoretical physics, defines its own limits that show that we do not know from science what lies beyond those limits or even the nature of what lies beyond—is it more of the same, i.e., different but similar or is it different in unimagined ways and whether there is anything at all. In other words, regardless of the actual content of religion—ideal or actual—the view that science minimizes the essential and valid content is in error. Of course, factual claims such as ‘water into wine’ may be brought into question but, first, the question existed in the minds of reasonable persons before science and, second, it is not the absurdity of the claim that is established but its unlikelihood under normal conditions. But if the claim is not absurd then what is it? Although ‘water to wine’ may strike you as absurd, think of its metaphorical meaning. It is, perhaps, simply that our view of reality, no matter how entrenched, may almost always be questioned. But water to wine is absurd you say. Well the idea is not even though the fact appears to be chemically impossible for science itself establishes the transmutation of elements—nuclear physics. Similarly, the rising from the dead questions our understanding of the nature of death—absolute or transmutation. My metaphysics, for which I have logical proof but which I doubt anyway, has answers to these questions (there is something beyond the self-defined limits of modern science, it is different in ways that includes the unimagined, the possible and the actual are identical—the meaning of this statement is clarified in my essays, and this view meshes with human knowledge including science in their domains of validity; this latter point is important because the metaphysics appears to upturn science and sense.) It is good to have some further clarification from the more immediate—science and sense—end
Very recently I did a Google search ‘the search for truth.’ This led me to the writings of David Chandler, a liberal Quaker minister who writes on truth, Christianity, and liberal activism with eloquence and simplicity. I was immediately attracted to his writing. His writing led in just one evening—the recent Friday—at work to some insights on religion that enable me to think, ‘I have elevated my understanding of faith and religion to the same level as that of the metaphysics, objects and logic.’ That thought is not quite correct, however and the truth of it is rather as follows. In the metaphysics I have, I say, found a meeting place of the literal-like truth of science-empirical knowledge and the metaphorical-meaning truth of Religion (the capital distinguishes it from the actual religions) in a place of literal fact. However, this literal-fact place is remote—or, at least, seems as though it is remote. Human beings on the other hand, to be ‘in truth’ must ever be in a process of renewal; static truth is not so much impossible as it suffers from decay of relevance and significance…
Regarding ‘Journey in Being’ there is an experimental phase to which I want to attend. That is, I want to experience, as far as I can, the truth ‘in the flesh’ of what I have seen intellectually. The first reason is the obvious one of making it more real. It is not so much the application of ideas—although it may involve that—as ‘making the ideas real,’ as the completion of the process begun in thought, as the cycling of idea and being, of thinking and becoming. The second reason is an intellectual one; it is the doubt that I continue to feel despite the (feeling that I have accomplished) logical proofs
Regarding the rest of my life, there is the feeling that what remains is limited in time. I want to be less of a hermit. Of course I’m not a hermit but do feel that there is a conflict, despite friends and parties and work, between my intellectual pursuit and connectedness. The conflict arises, first, on account of the time and energy that the intellectual pursuit demands (the evolution of the ideas is slow and difficult.) Then there is the remoteness of the ideas. This remoteness is a result of the evolution of the ideas from a rather scientific origin (with spiritual-like question marks,) through a number of intermediate positions to the present one described above and in more detail on my website. Because, as I feel, I have gone so far beyond the typical modern, archaic, or mythic views of things; because, as I feel, I have intellectually reached a place whose depth can be equaled—in specified ways—but not exceeded—that place may be experienced as remote
It is also difficult to approach for a number of other reasons beyond the limitations of my expression. To me it is all familiar but to someone who has not gone through the process it is not merely difficult but may even be difficult to see in the way that the material character of the atmosphere, despite its pervasive character, was difficult to see a few centuries ago. Anyway, I have been experiencing the remoteness of the ideas (they are actually immanent but may be experienced as remote) as a personal remoteness. It is not strong but it is there… and I have been wanting to do something about it. The first thought is to have a section in the essays entitled ‘on the difficulty…’ or something like that. The section would point out the difficulties and offer guidance to readers (along with reasons why the ideas may be valuable to readers.) The essays have such sections but the thought is to improve them. The second thought is to reach out… Such reaching out could include the experiments…
At the bottom of the brief list of important things to do was ‘Today.’ ‘Today’ included, buy white cotton socks, buy sheepskin insoles for my UGG’S, buy ‘Herbal yeast infection remedy’
Earlier this year I’d had the flu which had turned into a lung condition with green stuff (bacterial) being coughed up. My doctor prescribed Zithromax—an antibiotic. I decided not to use it but to take extra doses of vitamin C. The vitamin C worked. Perhaps it was just time andor the power suggestion… On my vacation I got the flu / a cold again and then the beginnings of a lung condition. I decided to take the Zithromax because the vitamin cure is slower and I didn’t want to take up vacation time. Antibiotics kill not only the ‘bad’ germs but the ‘good’ ones as well and this opens one up to fungal (yeast) infections. I got (I think) a yeast infection in my mouth and so couldn’t taste anything. I had already gotten some yeast remedy and it appeared to be working and but was running out and so I thought I would get some more
I haven’t been drinking while I have this yeast condition. When I don’t want to yield to temptation to ‘have a few beers’ on the way home from work (around midnight) I don’t take money, check (cheque) book, or credit cards to work. If I plan to buy something on my way to work or order dinner from a restaurant at work, I take a single check
Anyway at 10:00 AM I had the thought that I would go to the Unitarian Fellowship service. On the way back I would go to the shopping section of Arcata, do something fun and buy the sox, insoles and herbal remedy
I have been thinking of ‘changes.’ I want to be less of a hermit and more interactive—have more social connection—and perhaps more involved. I’m not sure what I might do but one thought is to be involved with the Unitarians (I can’t remember whether I’ve told you that I used to be involved with them since 1972 since which time involvement has fluctuated and has been nil in the last few years.) I had gone to a service a few weeks ago and though it wasn’t particularly inspiring, I enjoyed it. I met old acquaintances. The minister is a woman who had recently spent time in India and she immediately recognized me as Indian
I looked up the fellowship website. Yesterday was November 11 which is Veteran’s Day. The title of the service was ‘How do we honor veterans while we are against the war?’ There would be a presentation by a panel of local ‘Veterans for Peace.’ Even though the topic sounded interesting it’s not something I haven’t thought about and I pictured a ho-hum discussion among a group of veterans sitting in a semi-circle up on the podium. I got to the fellowship a few minutes late but the service was just beginning. The typical order of service is near universal. Some words of introduction and general concerns and announcements; stand up to sing a hymn—whether I sing or not depends on my mood—I was feeling self-conscious yesterday and uninspired by the hymns and didn’t sing; people offering good tidings to some personal or universal concern—accompanied, in this fellowship, by throwing a pebble into water in a chalice; stand up for another hymn; blessing of children who then exit to Sunday school; the main sermon or service; questions and comments; another hymn; words of closure; and, finally, a social hour. The fellowship building is octagonal in shape and has many large windows. It is set in the country. The space was lit by daylight and trees and fields can be seen from the inside
The ‘panel’ of veterans was actually two veterans from the Vietnam War and a conscious objector from the same era. Each individual came up to the podium in turn and shared their experiences and views
The first man had enlisted in the navy. He said
he had had some minor doubts about enlisting but his father who had never been
in the military strongly encouraged it, his minister said ‘this is a just war,’
he was near the top of the draft list and, despite not too strong doubts, he
enlisted. He did not see combat. He was on an aircraft carrier and he saw the
planes take off and come back from missions. He knew that the missions involved
destruction and killing but the knowledge was somewhat abstract—impersonal. He
knew that he was part of the machine that made the process possible but the
impersonal element remained. His change occurred after his tour of duty when,
on the way home, his ship stopped at
The second man was an ex-marine who had seen
killing first hand—I don’t remember whether he said that he had actually killed
anyone. He described his PTSD—post traumatic stress disorder. He is
hypervigilant—has an extreme startle response; other things; PTSD has a panoply
of symptoms but I don’t recall his particular ones. He described the return of
Iraqi veterans. Apparently the expectation is that, due to the particular
conditions in
In the 1990’s we would get
The second speaker, a Native American,
continued. Veterans make up 11% of the population but 25% of the homeless. The rate
of suicide among veterans is high. I thought: perhaps that explains the rise
from 21 suicides in
Speaker 1 had been moving through his simplicity and honesty. The second speaker commanded attention by realism, power of speech and anger. He had charisma
The final speaker, the conscious objector,
talked of the origin of his objector status, history of conscious objector
status in the
On my way home, I got a Cappuccino from Jitter
Bean coffee
On the way I cell-phoned a good friend Ian to share with him my experience but he did not pick up the phone. I have had difficulty getting in touch with him and wonder if he is avoiding me. The last time we had talked was at another friend Tom’s wedding on September 15 which was a wonderful occasion…
It was now about two in the afternoon and I called work telling them I would be in at four and not three. The nurse grumbled and I reassured him; I know him well and had oriented him when he was new, had helped him in difficult situations and he is still grateful for it
At home I completed the list of things to do, showered, took off for work. I took the bread and some butter to share with coworkers
At work the mood was a little strained. One patient had assaulted another the previous night—after I had left. The concern was to not have any further assaults. However, it soon became apparent that even though there were a number of very high energy individuals on the unit, the shift would be smooth (one can never be sure of course.) Jennifer, one of the nurses, was looking unusually cute. I told her so. She blushed but liked it. Everyone else told her so. She liked it. Usually she looks that way when she has had a good time with her boyfriend. This time she had made her self up because she had decided the thing with the boyfriend was going nowhere. This is a good thing because she is usually crushed in these situations
John the star guard got angry at a patient who was cursing loudly and angrily. I asked the patient to not be so loud because it upset other patients and to not curse because it upset John. Minimal effect on the patient but John got angry at me. John likes to tease others but doesn’t like being teased
I went to the kitchen to talk to the cook, Liza. She is a very nice person. Recently she had opened up to me. Her daughters are going to leave home. I’m going to have to learn to love my husband again. More recently, I was joking about her cook-supervisor, Fran. Some one had said that they had sex two times a week. Fran said ‘there’s no way I could live with sex only two times a week; I have to have it at least five times.’ (I can’t remember the exact number.) I joked to Liza that I think that many people lie about their sex lives. Liza told me that she wasn’t very sexual, that she feels nothing, that she does it for her husband, that they have sex once a week. I have always liked Liza and felt privileged that she would share something quite that intimate with me. I noticed some finely sliced ham in the fridge. ‘Can I make myself a ham sandwich?’ ‘No, Anil, it’s time to get out of my kitchen.’ ‘Just one? It won’t make a difference.’ In my imagination I made a ham sandwich and ate it while Liza was serving dinners for the emergency unit that is adjacent to the hospital where I usually work. People get admitted to the emergency unit where I sometimes work; if their situation is severe enough they are admitted to the hospital
I spent half-an hour writing an email to payroll. They had messed up the three paychecks that covered the vacation period. The net amount was trivial, two hours of pay, but the payroll guy, Alex is nasty so we enjoy tormenting him. What’s more, it’s good to let them know that they can’t get away with sloppy work
I wrote an email to the manager. She had written me a complimentary email for our work in interfacing the police with a difficult client the week before. I was replying to her email. I told her that she has developed a reputation for fairness…
A friend, Natalie, was working with us. She is about my age. She was looking very cute. She is intelligent, clever, has interests that I like. She is also very moody and can turn from fun to bitch in moments. She is single. I like her but am hesitant to do anything about it on account of working together and the moodiness. Anyway, I invited her out
People joked about the shirt I was wearing. It is a nice shirt. The joke was that I usually wear exactly the same style of shirt to work
Patients milled around. Some are loud and don’t stop talking. I tune it out. I tell one patient that if he were to not talk non-stop I would have more energy to listen to him. He understands and is quieter for a brief period
We serve dinner, respond to requests, have visiting hour, a patient plays the guitar for his father, we serve snack and show a video, Michael Moore’s ‘Sicko,’ back in the TV room some patients are watching Sunday night football, we write our notes on our assigned patients, we staff sit around the nursing station joking and telling stories—despite the hubbub the evening is not particularly busy, we do our closing chores, I talked about my morning, Melody found the account of the Unitarian service interesting, Jennifer wondered whether there were any single men of her age, Henry asked about single unattached ‘chicks,’ the shift draws to a close. There have been no dangerous incidents today (thus far, in seventeen years, I have been kicked and spat on a few occasions by female clients but, perhaps because I am more careful—perhaps because they are more careful, have yet to be hit or otherwise assaulted by a male despite numerous potentially assaultive situations.) Finally, the shift is over
I usually take a country road home. Tonight, though, I want to get home fast so I take the freeway. Home, shower, another slice of bread and butter, read email, surf the internet for topics of interest, check out the news on CNN, bed… It has been a good day