October 28, 1996

My dear Parents

Thank you very much for your Bijoya greetings that arrived today. I am never aware of the date of Bijoya and therefore the respect that I now send you is after the event. Nonetheless, the respect and love is real.

Yes, I do and have sought knowledge and more knowledge. But I also seek understanding of the relation of the part - you, me...- to the whole...the world, universe...Therefore, as understanding of the whole (especially as whole) has grown, the details of knowledge, the cumulation of knowledge, the vast libraries of the written word acquire a lesser role in relation to understanding, to direct knowledge from the world itself and from thought, to varieties and modes of knowledge, being and awareness available to the individual (me) and his body.

While my visit to the mountains is indeed healthy and inspirational, it is also essential. By this I mean that I believe that the whole of modern society and civilization has strayed too far from nature and that closeness to nature, and to the unpredictability and uncontrollability of nature is physically and spiritually healthy. [At the same time, in the realms of physical being, awareness, spirit, we have not strayed far enough. We are comfort-seeking stay-at-homes.] I would like to see more closeness to nature and the wild, not just on holidays and vacations but every day and for everyone.

My dear Mother - I am sorry to hear of your problems with hearing. I do hope you get a chance, as you want to, to respond more fully to my "long" letter, but please do not feel any obligation from my part. That you have enjoyed and responded positively to the letter is sufficient. The most important thing is your health and happiness

My dear Father - Robin told me you sometimes have difficulty getting up out of the chair, that this situation is disheartening for you since you so love to get up and go outside. Believe me my heart is with you as are my tears. I offer words of encouragement and hope, but not of advice because you are the most expert when it comes to knowing yourself. Physically I am in America but spiritually I am with you. I remember with love the time when Robin and Mum were in India and you and I were very close. I feel this same feeling at this time.

My dear Parents - My heart is with you in your physical discomforts and difficulties. Please do write to me how you are doing. May I wish you strength; whatever is necessary, that you continue to enjoy your lives despite difficulties.

My dear Father - Thank you for saying, "I will pick you up." I appreciate this but wish to add that, at this time, I do not need picking up and that my experience and inner awareness show me that I am sufficient to any "pick up" tasks that come my way. Thank you for your economic concerns. My economic situation is not bad. It is true that I cannot afford to be an intercontinental traveler and therefore cannot visit you as often as I wish, but I enjoy a comfortable house, excellent food, wear good clothes, have a good car, have money for entertainment, for books, for occasional visits to San Francisco, to buy equipment for hiking and skiing, to entertain friends, to write and print my writing, to buy a computer (soon), to pay my debts (in installments). Economic concerns are not a limitation on my having a full life. And as I have been at pains to explain, the "sacrifices" I have chosen are nothing compared to the "sacrifices" that are imposed every day on countless human beings and at the same time my "sacrifices" are choices, made by me, somewhat intelligently, the result of which is a richness in understanding, life and spirit. I become especially aware of this gain and richness in my life when I meet the faculty of Humboldt State University with whom I used to work. Worry not about my economic condition.

My dear Parents - Upon coming out of the mountains. A realization of some very basic concepts of Evolution, Design and The Absolute (the title may change). A dedication of my life (more accurately, a dedication of some immediate energies) to writing, learning, experience, and thought in relation to Evolution, Design and The Absolute…now (including Learning, Experience, Thought), that I can do this work and look for other work at the same time. That the coming year is (years are) one of challenge and openness, not because I cannot, but because I can and I know I can do what I want to do… and an intelligent dedication to this openness which I feel every day at home, at work and elsewhere.

Last night I saw the recent German production of "Stalingrad" -- the failed attempt of the World War II German armies to occupy and destroy Stalingrad. You know the history. The cinema ends with two German soldiers freezing in the snow. One dies first, of cold and exposure. The second is holding and caressing the first as snow and darkness are falling and as his life too is extinguished. I asked my friend sitting next to me: "Would you stay with your dead companion out of comradery or would you step away to embrace the universe as you died." He said he would hold the other. Of course, one can embrace human and universe at the same time…However, I elected to accept the aloneness which is the other face of embracing the whole.

I hesitate to write these words for fear of disturbing you, but they are true words and I think my life is full not despite but because of my intimate awareness of life and death which stems from my openness and also from my experience and work.

I am going to San Francisco this weekend. I will meet and spend some time with Jaysi Chander who I had met briefly while backpacking. We will go to an Ali Akbar Khan concert. No, I am not in love, etc. But I am hoping or excited about the possibility of friendship, enjoyment and the possibility of a spiritual connection.

Love and respect,